Date:	2008-08-31 03:50
Subject:	The Return of the Jase
Security:	Public
Mood:	sleepy
Music:	Aircon

Okay, so I don't have a clue if anybody still reads LJ nowadays. I also don't know how many of my friends back in the old LJ days, before Multiply (grr) came along, are still here.

I was just reading some of my posts from way back. God, I feel so much more mature now. NOT OLD. Mature. Everything was so sappy, so angry, so.. bleargh. But that was back then. Now is a different time.

I'm back.

..walking along the asphalt, on the way to the grandstand. he takes a look at the last gazebo, and sees her group just hanging out. trying to act all nonchalante about it, so his friends don't notice, he takes a quick glance, trying to spot her familiar face. upon sitting down at the grandstand, he finally spots her, and there, his heart begins to race. faster. faster. faster. their eyes meet. the twinkle in her eyes, amazing, be it from 50 meters or 2 inches away. her gaze, electric. the sunlight bouncing off her eyes, beautiful. just beautiful. he couldn't help but stare.

~a blur in the signals, hazy conversation, curved lines, insane interference, memory loss~

he and she, they, get together. they hang out, just talking, walking, laughing. he and she, they, could see the radiant smile on each other's face. this radiance, the look of people basking in the beautiful simplicity of love. this is what it was. after his history of complicated relationships and messed up priorities, and her history of a lack of commitment in any relationship, this was the kind of interaction they needed. the kind of relationship they would thrive in. all he wants is love. all she wants is love. fulfilling each others need to be loved, it was as simple as that. it helped that he made her fall in love for the first time. and she returned the favor.

~mostly inference, uncertainty, based on broken facts, left and right~

he walks her to class, slowly, hand in hand. his heart, thumping as hard and fast as it was when he first met her; when he first realized she was the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. arriving at the classroom, he knew there was something wrong. the smile was wiped off her face, upon seeing her classmates taking an exam. all the simplicity, everything that kept it together, was falling apart. she started seeing the so-called flaws.

"you're a bad influence!"

"we're too different, in the most important of aspects!"

"sometimes this love you speak of isn't enough. we're not practical. we just won't work."

she ran into the room, without a goodbye. he felt her fingers, one by one, slowly letting go. yet, he couldn't do anything about it. as much as he wanted to hang on, there was some truth to those things she told him. the fear, the realization, paralyzed him. breaking down, he could only look on, as she ran further and further away from him. not just in this moment, not just because of the exam. she went away, and left this gaping hole in his heart he just couldn't fill again, no matter how hard he tried. he trudged away, a broken man.

he talked less. his smile wasn't seen as often, and the sincerity which made his smile special was gone. his laughter, a sound so rare that it surprised his friends whenever it did occur. his drive, his motivation, his reason, for most if not all of everything he did, gone. he couldn't stand it. everywhere he turned, he saw her face. every song on the radio, reminded him of her. it couldn't be this way. so, should he go back to her, pride out the window, and try to mend it?

haha, guess not. he took the easy way out. he cut her off from his life. he made it a point not to let her know how he was, and what important things were happening in his life. he threw out everything that reminded him of her, and let me tell you, he threw out A LOT. he purged himself, or at least tried. tried and failed? well, we'll see. the beginning is always the hardest part.

he's trying to learn to let go, of something that never was his in the first place.

he's trying to learn to move on, and pick up the pieces of his broken heart.

he's trying to learn to love, as real and sincere and unconditional as he did towards her.

he's trying to learn to live, with or without her in his life.

he's trying, and that's what's important.

Date:	2007-08-31 18:17
Subject:	The world could do without you.
Security:	Public
Mood:	angry

Warning: I am NOT in a good mood right now. Seriously. Feverish, lonely, tired, sick. Just feeling no good. So, I apologize for the hatred emitted from this post.

I hate you. Honestly. Please just fuck off and quit ruining people's lives. I don't like you. I've never really been fond of you. And now, I just simply hate you. The world could do without you. The world would be BETTER without you. And don't start on that debate stuff, God, you're a moron. I mean, yeah, I'm no genius. But you can't take me. I hope you get that through your thick skull.

I hate to say this, especially out loud. But I needed to vent.

Angst. Anger. Anxiety. Apologies.

J.

Well, now, you see how I've been spending my nights. Going all around the world. To places of significance, and to places I never even knew existed. The Realm of Dreams toys with me. My hopes. My dreams. My ambitions. Every time I wake up, is another illusion put to an end. The illusion that I'm with you. Now, my stat is "Wah, again?". It has been happening way too often for it to be coincidence anymore. I'm sure my dream factory is much more creative than that. It is telling me something. Fate is telling me something.

Number A - I apologize. My mind and heart are confused, they get mixed up sometimes. It is not always the case that whoever I'm thinking of before I go to bed, is the one I want to be with. Silly mind. Fix this.

Number B - Strange. Living in the present, I thought I'd assure this would never happen. I never thought you'd ever haunt me in my dreams again. Hey mind, please stop bringing back bad memories to poor heart. This doesn't help, yknow. Me being indecisive, and all.

Number C - You're the one. There's a reason why out of the 5 dreams, you're in the majority of them. There's a reason, why in dreams concerning you, love is not a question, but the answer. There's a reason, why everytime I'd wake up from dreams of you and I, I died a little inside. There's a reason. You're the one.

So, where does this all lead? What next? I'll tell you what's next. I shall turn off the lights, lay back on my bed, close my eyes, and sleep. Sleep to dream you.

Ok. Sleep to dream you. I hope this works. A wish that's been granted over and over and over. But, strangely, the "you" has been changing quite frequently. Is there a hidden message in all of this? Let's see, Morpheus is on a roll...

I get up, from the couch. I head over to the phone, and find myself dialing your number. Yes, I do memorize your number, Number C. I try to stop myself, knowing that this call would be expensive. Fortunately, or I think it was fortunately, my heart overpowered my mind. You answered. You said hello. I smiled.

Morpheus had answered.

Poof.

Strangely, my y!M stat has been messing with me. The stat I place has an effect on what happens. Coincidence, prolly. But you can never rule out the supernatural powers that rule the world of dreams. Morpheus, and the Endless, thank you...

I invite you, number B, to play billiards. I figure, what's a better way to impress than to show my billiard skills, right? Well, that would've worked. If only you didn't beat me. Every single time. We go separate ways for a bit, and I end up figuring out that I worked in this waterpark-looking place. I go to the top floor of where the waterslides are, and end up cleaning the tables. Poof. Short wake up time.

I fall back into the realm of dreams, walking on the second floor of a place that looked almost identical to Celebrity Sports Club, except for the fact that the stuff on the first floor was on the second, and vice versa. I peek into the billiards room, and you're there, setting the balls up. I find myself wondering, what in the hell am I doing here with you? Is number B the one I want? Not again. Please, not again. Poof.

This leaves me confused. Very confused. This happens at Hayward, North California. Strange. This stupid couch must be messing with my brains. Let's see if this y!M stat curse/blessing continues to work.

After the dreamfest the night before, I changed my stat to "Sleep to dream you. I hope this works."...

I don't quite remember where. I don't quite remember when. We were simply together. Not only literally. We were together. For real. Jase and number C. And I have never been happier. Poof. Reality.

Apparently, it DID work.

For a while now, I've had the title of this post as my stat message for y!M. Okay, so, it stems from the song, a Dave Matthews Band song, I think. It is less a command, more of a wish. A prayer. And this is where the interesting part begins.

Around two weeks ago, a few days before leaving L.A. to go to Hayward, I fell into a deep sleep...

Walking out the doors of the Cinema at ATC, you and I are. On the way out, we're beside each other. Somehow, my hand meets yours. Slowly, our fingers intertwine. I shall call you number A. I look at you, half-surprised, half-relieved, at the warm smile you flash towards me. I think to myself, what the hell? You and me? This can't be. At the same time though, I'm happy. Beyond recognition. Is this what I've wanted? Before I get to think any further, two people come out the door right after we do. I shall call her number B. She looks at us, then laughs, then whipers something to her friend, and they continue to laugh. Poof.

On the same night, or in my case, morning, since my sleeping pattern is messed up.

Walking along a corridor, something which looked surprisingly like the Bellagio, only different. Instead of the flowers and fruits and ferris wheel lining the sides of the corridors, benches in the middle and buffet tables on left and right side furnished the scene. For some strange reason, my tita was there, getting food. You, me, and THE ENEMY, aka TE, deciding whether to eat or not. You sit on the bench, and TE stands in front of you. Unfortunately, you pay around 0 grams of attention to me. ZERO. I look at you, with eyes filled with terror, shame, sadness, guilt, defeat, depression, and love. LOVE. Yes, somehow that emotion found its way in there, alongside those other feelings. And, despite being outnumbered, it is that one emotion that your eyes catch from mine. And from there, you turn your attention to me. You stroke my hair. I know, weird. But I was sitting on the floor, and I guess that's one of the ways to show affection in an awkward position like that. I shall call you number C. Poof.

A brief interruption in my sleep, then fall back into slumberland.

I was chasing after you, atop a well-known hotel. We reach one of the top floors, and you ride the elevator before I get to you. I wait for the elevator to come back down, but my restless nature tells me to take the stairs. Upon reaching the top floor, I notice the elevator in which you, number C, are in, hasn't arrived yet. I wait, and wait. Then wake. Poof.

More to come.

Hair Cut.

Eat balut fishball and other dirty food oh yeah!

Buy my own beer. Yes. Kahit di ko iinumin. The mere fact na di ko kelangan magpabili is satisfaction enough.

Party with my friends.

Cook for YOU. I know exactly what I'll be serving.

More to come.

Not a lot of things scream FILIPINO at you when you hear it mentioned. Wait, I take it back. A lot do, actually. Jeepney, fishballs, Pasig River, corruption, GMA, Wowowee, Balut, Unli, etc. The list goes on.

Earlier, this conversation occured, right around noon.

Auntie: Jason, kain ka na.

Jase: Opo.

Auntie: Upo ka na dyan. Sinigang and Salmon ang ulam.

Jase: Sige po, tapusin ko lang to. (babay sa kausap online)

Auntie: May lalagyan dyan. Kuha ka nalang ng patis.

Jase: O.o

Patis? OMG. Yay! Dun sa L.A. kasi, bawal magpatis. Naniniwala tito ko na madumi daw yun at nakamamatay. Hehe. So, ansaya ko!!

Anyways, yeah, this happened at Hayward, CA. So yun, I'm not home yet. But I sure felt like I was.:)

If "Jase" is your answer, what would the question be?

If today is World Stealing Day, what would you steal from me?

Okay, so, here's an update. My Tita is coming here to the States for a week, mostly because she's the sundo of my grandparents, who are going back to the Philippines at the end of the month. Why write about this? Well, because you can...

SEND ME SOMETHING!

There are stuff I'm asking her to bring over for me, like some clothes, my super memory box, my binder with all the grad pics, etc. So, what I want you to do, is call/text my sister, Queenie, and let her know what you wanna send. Be it merch from Jerms, or yb stuff from Sandy, or Good Omens from Icy, or isaw from Cocoy, or a bracelet from Sophia, or a Hombre from Sheen, or whatever, you get my point. Kung may hindi pa nagbibigay ng grad pic or prom pic na gusto pang humabol, its not too late!

My sister doesn't know about this plan of mine, so, don't be offended pag nareplyan kayo ng "who you? O.o" Just remain calm, and explain. If its anything that is to be hidden, then HIDE it. Don't get me in trouble, please.:P

What you're sending is based on the assumption na medyo matagal pa ako bago makauwi. If you owe me money, padala niyo narin! I could do with some cash, Peso man o Dollar. If I have clothes with you, pakibalik. If I have merch with you, sige, balato na yan.:)

So there, send away! Just put it in a package or a box or something. Para it doesn't get lost in the trashed abyss which we call Queenie's room.

Queenie -- 09178335822 / 9317192

So there you have it. Marunong pa ako magtagalog, galing ko! Hmm, sana naman may magpadala ng something. Anything. Mostly pics and PIRATED DVD'S tsk hindi ko pa napapanood ang Pirates 3 baduy ko! So yun. Kung inlove ka sakin and gusto mo ako padalhan ng letter, ok lang din, ok nang mailang diba, thousands of miles away naman.

Leave a comment if you got a question, or whatever. Don't disappoint!:)



-Jase

Who watches One Tree Hill?

The episode na, erm, Sparkle Cheer Competition, the one where Brooke did the Robot instead of attending RogueVogue. Remember na?

Does anyone have any idea what the title of that song was, the one they cheered to?

Thanks.

p.s. Kel, you should know this.

Zye. Zy. Zyrelle. Happy birthday!

Yay, y!M works na. Yun lang.

Why won't YM work for me?! The one reason I have to stay up late, taken away from me? Arggh. Nakakainis. Grr. Seryoso.

I was with Aivy, in some sory of, hmm, place with hills and some one-storey buildings, surrounded by palm trees, parang settlement in the hills I had no idea bakit ako nandun. Di ko alam, birthday ko ata or something, basta, she was giving me some stuff na ginawa niya and binili niya, and super super happy ako, yay! Feel ko talaga totoo, haha, I was even wondering in my dream if I was dreaming. Tapos, nilagay ko lahat ng binigay niya sa bag kong malaki, yung traveling bag ko na hindi pa maleta. Then I had another bad, basta, yung brown na bag ko na, hmm, kung nakasama na kita sa basketball or overnight alam niyo to.:)

Enjoying the moment, biglang may narinig kaming barilan, so sabi ko kay Aivy "Sige, go Aives, sunod ako." So yun, sumakay siya sa airplane ata tas umuwi na siya. Take note, yung airport sa place na yun, parang immune sa mga barilan, etc. Kaya pag nakaabot ka na sa airport, safe ka na.

Sinamahan ko si Aivy sa airport, tas nung pabalik ako, pagabi na, and may mga Hapon na soldiers na pumapatay sa mga kasama ko sa, hmm, place na yun. Ni isang tao na kakampi ko, walang baril, wah. So sinusunog nila lahat ng mga buildings and stuff sa place na yun. Gusto ko na din sana sumakay sa airplane, but NO, hindi ko kaya iwanan yung bag na may laman na gifts. So, obviously, I went back for the bags. Long way pa dinaanan ko, kasi parang sunog yung tunay na daan.

Finally, umabot ako sa building kugn san yung bags ko. Emphasis on the BAGS, kasi dalawa sila, and mejo malaki yung isa, so, parang, imagine me running back to the airport with LUGGAGE. I was going up the final hill to get to the airport, nung nahuli kami, wah, wala na. Babay life. Babay Aivy.:(

Para madala kami sa base nila, sinakay kami sa aircraft na parang yung nasa Stealth, alam niyo yun? Yun. Lima lang kami, one pilot and four prisoners. So, dun sa Stealth, hindi man lang kami nakatali. So I thought, hmm, kelangan ko tulungan ang sarili ko, pati narin sila. So, in a way that I clearly don't remember, nagawan ko ng paraan na ihulog yung pilot from Stealth, haha. VICTORY!

So yun, one by one, I dropped the three other prisoners to where they lived. And me? I went to this small city, looked like Italy, which was lined with stone walls and stone floors. Why I went there? No idea. Stealth led me there. And, I didn't expect to find Aivy there, kasi parang, haha, duh, THIS ISN'T DALY CITY!! But, alas, andun siya. I opened my bag, saw my gifts were intact, and yay! Happy ending, Italy pa, tas napilot ko pa si Stealth!

San ka pa, diba?:) Moral of the story, leave your gifts behind, and NEVER get to fly a cool plane and go to Italy.:)

Hi Aivy.:P

Blog happy. Comment on everything I read. Its the only way I can keep in touch, besides those late night, timezone-fucked-up yM conversations. So, hi.

Lara Autor, Happy birthday.

Wishing you more love, life, laughter, and love.:P

Take care, enjoy the day. I miss you.:)

Once upon a time, there was a boy named Roseph Saymond Jim, aka Rason, or Rase. He was in college, and NOT liking it at all. So guess what? He left that school, and transferred to another school. In another city. In another country. In another continent. The end.

Let's just say that this IS a true story.